Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
