so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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