Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize