i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
