i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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