I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
