I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
