Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
