maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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