Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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