I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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