wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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