Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he puts the penis in happiness.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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