i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
