I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
