broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
