okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
