Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize