If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
