T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
