never play flip cup with pint glasses
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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