so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
