I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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