I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
