if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
