Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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