I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
