she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
