There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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