Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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