Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
