I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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