Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
