whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
