It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize