Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
