the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
