I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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