if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
