I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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