Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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