Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
