My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize