well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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