Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize