I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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