They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
