I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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