just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I still have a little drunk in my system
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
