if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize