Already got asked if we're dating
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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