just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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