I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize