Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
