I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
