Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
