ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
