I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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