I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
