I bet he comes in French.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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