I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think my moral compass just broke
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
