I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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