Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
