home. puking in laundry basket.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
