I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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