she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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