I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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