Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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